An Essay On Me
At the risk of sounding like an egomaniac , I decided to write this after reading some old emails and comments. Rather shocking to realize what some friends thought of/about me
So here's a clarification and mission statement of sorts
I :
-have been so badly misinterpreted that I ought to write the book on the subject. Either I'm not a good communicator or God has a weird sense of humour. When I say nothing, there are claims that I've insulted others/gossiped. When I say anything , it's wilfully misinterpreted . With the world cup coming up, the oft-cited example shall serve nicely. The 1994 world cup season saw Germany exit early and I lamented that they had lost and I missed the match. Somehow, people misinterpreted that to mean Germany lost 'cos I didn't watch that match . Come on! I'm not a megalomaniac (largely 'cos I'm neither American nor a prez)
Missing Rudi Voeller and Jurgen Klinsmann in their last international/ World Cup match was upsetting enough (those too young to remember or those faking amnesia, think Ballack x2 ) , being misunderstood was worse. However, this became progressively funnier with each world cup . This proves 2 truths; time and distance heals all & what we know of a friend is based on our last conversation with them, but they have been themselves all the time
More recently, there were reactions to my saying I'll never marry or that I'll rather attempt the sky jump before considering marriage . Any friend should know I suffer from archophobia and have never quite believed in the institution of marriage except as a convenient means of legitimising patrilineal succession and property rights (all those years of femmie theory condensed)
-don't think I'm better than anyone else
Intellectually, if university was an ego blow , the last 11 years have been a ko and feeling dumber by the day . Looks? Don't even go there. Characterwise, let's see : temperamental, untactful, paranoid ; need more be said? Ooh and loud . I've lived with self -hate for most of my life, particularly the last 11 years; hell, even met the male version of me and boy did I dislike that guy.
-don't believe in ideals
Idealise anything and you're setting yourself up. Idealised love means that nothing can measure up , at the extreme, you'll end up like Hardy's The Well-beloved. Besides, everyone who says they love you ends up hurting you. Utopia doesn't exist and experiments aimed at that end , aka marxism actualized, merely reinforces that
- do have goals unrelated to $
Only those who have never worried about $ can be dismissive . Women don't have to be princesses awaiting rescue but you've gotta buy the power tools to escape !
For one so restless, the last 7 years have been hell and a lesson in patience , the ability to travel freely sans worries is a goal
To make the world just that little better, however small the degree- that's a long term goal
So here's reintroducing me
So here's a clarification and mission statement of sorts
I :
-have been so badly misinterpreted that I ought to write the book on the subject. Either I'm not a good communicator or God has a weird sense of humour. When I say nothing, there are claims that I've insulted others/gossiped. When I say anything , it's wilfully misinterpreted . With the world cup coming up, the oft-cited example shall serve nicely. The 1994 world cup season saw Germany exit early and I lamented that they had lost and I missed the match. Somehow, people misinterpreted that to mean Germany lost 'cos I didn't watch that match . Come on! I'm not a megalomaniac (largely 'cos I'm neither American nor a prez)
Missing Rudi Voeller and Jurgen Klinsmann in their last international/ World Cup match was upsetting enough (those too young to remember or those faking amnesia, think Ballack x2 ) , being misunderstood was worse. However, this became progressively funnier with each world cup . This proves 2 truths; time and distance heals all & what we know of a friend is based on our last conversation with them, but they have been themselves all the time
More recently, there were reactions to my saying I'll never marry or that I'll rather attempt the sky jump before considering marriage . Any friend should know I suffer from archophobia and have never quite believed in the institution of marriage except as a convenient means of legitimising patrilineal succession and property rights (all those years of femmie theory condensed)
-don't think I'm better than anyone else
Intellectually, if university was an ego blow , the last 11 years have been a ko and feeling dumber by the day . Looks? Don't even go there. Characterwise, let's see : temperamental, untactful, paranoid ; need more be said? Ooh and loud . I've lived with self -hate for most of my life, particularly the last 11 years; hell, even met the male version of me and boy did I dislike that guy.
-don't believe in ideals
Idealise anything and you're setting yourself up. Idealised love means that nothing can measure up , at the extreme, you'll end up like Hardy's The Well-beloved. Besides, everyone who says they love you ends up hurting you. Utopia doesn't exist and experiments aimed at that end , aka marxism actualized, merely reinforces that
- do have goals unrelated to $
Only those who have never worried about $ can be dismissive . Women don't have to be princesses awaiting rescue but you've gotta buy the power tools to escape !
For one so restless, the last 7 years have been hell and a lesson in patience , the ability to travel freely sans worries is a goal
To make the world just that little better, however small the degree- that's a long term goal
So here's reintroducing me
posted by J at 1:54 AM
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